„The wife fell in love with a foreigner whom she met on the network“

My wife and I have been living together for 18 years. We have two children, 9 and 16. I recently found out that she fell in love with another man familiar from correspondence on the Internet, and he is a foreigner. She hid from me, but I felt everything and saw by her behavior. I tried to talk to her and stop it until it’s too late, but she was not recognized. This went on for several months.

Then I posted her all the facts about her love correspondence. The conversation still took place. She said that she loves him very much and cannot do anything about it, although she tried. And he loves her too. All my calls for prudence did not lead to anything.

Her lover lives in another country, and she wants to come to him. What will happen next to their novel, she also does not know and is ready to rush into the pool with her head. She does not love me, and I-still, like 18 years ago. She

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also does not want to get divorced, at least for now. What should I do with all this, I don’t understand either.

Dmitry, it is really difficult to do something in such an indefinite situation. On the one hand, your wife fell in love with a person by correspondence, which is characteristic of young and romantic natures with a rich imagination. On the other hand, she completely rationally wants to maintain a marriage in case she is disappointed.

One could say that your wife behaves selfishly and frivolously. But behind all this, most likely, there is uncertainty, dissatisfaction and rethinking of life.

Having lived for 18 years in marriage, the spouses often think that they know each other very well and life will not bring them anything new. For someone it is good. This is stable happiness. So you say, with your feelings everything is still.

And someone would like changes. It seems to them that somewhere else, with someone else, in another country they would be happier. Or happy differently.

Most likely, this is self -deception. There is a saying: „It is good where we are not“. There is such a fantasy because of a feeling of dissatisfaction with your life or as a result of its rethinking.

Did your wife love you when she got married? Maybe yes. Or maybe I realized that I experienced this feeling only now – with half a fictional hero. And then the former life seems meaningless and I want to rush into a new relationship, as in a pool with my head. Or maybe this is only her fantasy and she understands this, deep down, still wanting to keep a marriage.

What is happening is very offensive. What can be done? You can determine for yourself what you are ready to go to preserve marriage, but what definitely is not. Are you ready to give your wife the opportunity to try to build a new relationship and accept it back if you do not get wrong there? Serious test, as you will have to accept simply, without reproach and humiliation.


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